pull me out the water (cold and blue)
by Pencilwalla
Summary: He was broken, now. Yuuma tried not to think about it too much, how he was ruined and filthy and weak, but it crept up on him. [mentioned foilship noncon, gemsex, frottage.]


warnings: noncon, gemsex, frottage

"Nasch."

Nasch turned around; behind him was the edge of the cliff and below him was the battlefield, ravaged and ruined, where Don Thousand and Vector had defeated Yuuma earlier, and where he and the other Lords had vanquished Don Thousand. Vector was still missing, and the others had gone to look for him. Nasch remained, eyes fixed on the scorched ground below.

"Did you find him?"

"He's dead." Durbe hesitated; his fingers twitched and Nasch knew that there was something else. "…Yuuma Tsukumo killed him."

They found Vector's hideout deep in the mountains of the Barian World, shielded by Barianite formations. There was a cube of crystal there, with transparent walls, and the shredded remains of Yuuma's clothing and bloodstains on the floor. It was a cage, with one wall missing and Yuuma curled up naked inside. He was scratched, from where Vector had tried to defend himself.

Vector's cracked open central gem was all that was left, and it lay in a pile of the dust that had been his body nearby. It looked like Yuuma had used the Key to stab him. It was lying on the ground nearby, and Nasch picked it up and hung it around his neck.

"He won't come out," Durbe said.

Nasch nodded. He understood; of course for Yuuma, Durbe couldn't be trusted any more than Vector had. One Barian had to look like all the others to him.

It took more power than it should have, to force his body to give up the protection of stone and reform Ryoga Kamishiro's soft flesh, but he managed it even in his weakened state. He walked over to the open side of the cube, motioned for Durbe to get out of sight, and knelt down.

Inside, Yuuma was lying on his side, hugging his knees, with his back to Nasch. There was blood down the back of his thighs and no visible wound, and he was crying softly.

Nasch could imagine what Vector had done to him while they were alone. Yuuma would have waited, hoped that someone might save him, and in the midst of battle, no one had been able to come. He would have been all alone…

"Yuuma?"

Yuuma stiffened at the sound of his name, and Nasch kept himself still as Yuuma slowly rolled over. He moved like he was in pain.

"…Shark?"

Nasch wanted to correct him, but he let it pass. "You can come out now. It's safe."

"Are you…really here?" Yuuma stared at him from over his knees. He had a black eye and dried blood at the corner of his mouth, and his eyes were bloodshot and red from crying. "This isn't a dream?"

"I'm here," Nasch said. He stretched out a hand. "Come on. I'll take care of you."

Yuuma hesitantly reached out, with fingers that were bent and broken and trembling, and touching his hand. "Promise?"

"I promise," Nasch said, and he slipped off his jacket and crawled further into the cell and laid it over Yuuma's body. It hardly covered him, but Yuuma stared up at him with wide, shining eyes, filled with hope. Nasch picked him up carefully, like he were made of glass, and even so Yuuma flinched as broken bones were jostled and open wounds were disturbed.

He cradled him against his chest, ignoring the pain of maintaining a human form when he was so tired, and stepped outside.

"Close your eyes," Nasch said. Yuuma did, and he let them both dissolve into clouds of light and vanish somewhere safer.

He was broken, now.

Yuuma tried not to think about it too much, how he was ruined and filthy and weak, but it crept up on him. At night, when he slept, or when he was alone, or when he looked down at his body and remembered the blood and pain, the terror of Vector came back to him.

Nasch told him, after he rescued him, that Vector had only had him for three days. That at first only his friends had known he was gone, that when Nasch had found out it was in the middle of battle. For Yuuma, those three days might as well as been three days; they had felt like an eternity, and nothing that had happened before them seemed real.

Nasch was real, though. Nasch alone could be trusted, because he protected Yuuma.

Yuuma stayed with him as much as possible; he'd kneel beside Nasch's throne or hide behind the rocks while he sparred with the others or sit in the corners of the palace while Nasch went about his business there. It must have been annoying, to have Yuuma as his shadow, but Nasch never complained or left Yuuma alone. Even at night, he let Yuuma curl up in his lap on the throne and sleep.

Yuuma liked that. He liked it when Nasch pet him absently, stroking his hair, or held his hand, or carried him over rough terrain. Nasch had saved him from his injuries, by attaching the gems, the gems that were made from his own, to Yuuma's body so the radiation of Barian World could heal him. Nasch's hands were gentle and his face, even his Barian one, was kind, and his touch was so unlike Vector's. Sometimes when Yuuma was asleep, he woke up to find Nasch had pressed his face into Yuuma's hair, and was murmuring sweet things to him.

Yuuma always pretended to sleep through those moments; they were precious, and he didn't want to lose them.

Today Nasch was talking to Durbe, and Yuuma was on his knees, resting his head on the red and gold couch beside him. What he wanted, more than anything, for Nasch to come sit down, so that Yuuma could kneel beside him and enjoy the safety of his presence.

Their conversation sounded friendly even if Yuuma couldn't make out the words. That made him happy; sometimes it seemed like the other Barians were angry that Nasch had to waste so much time looking after him.

Durbe touched Nasch's arm, near the forearm gem, and Yuuma was glad when he left and Nasch came and sat down on the couch. He didn't like it when Durbe touched Nasch, even though he knew it was wrong to have those feelings. Yuuma knelt between Nasch's legs, resting his forehead against his knee, and Nasch stroked the nape of his gem, tracing around the gem embedded there.

The gems were red and were supposed to be just for absorbing energy – there was one in the center of his chest, one on the back of each hand, and two on his back, one at the base of his spine and one at the base of his skull – but lately, Yuuma had realized they were becoming more sensitive, like they were a part of his body.

He hadn't said anything about it, because he couldn't bear to bother Nasch, but when Nasch's hand slipped and touched the gem, it felt like there were sparks in his blood, and he felt a sudden rush of affection, and heat started to pool between his legs.

Yuuma felt shame heat his cheeks. It was bad enough that sometimes when Nasch slept he…he touched himself, and that sometime he was depraved enough to think about Nasch that way, the way Vector had thought about him. He couldn't let Nasch ever know he had those kinds of thoughts. Nasch would be disgusted with him.

"Something wrong?"

"N-no." Yuuma shook his head. He didn't look up; Nasch might see something in his eyes. "Just…the gems are sensitive…"

"What?" Nasch's hand slipped again and Yuuma couldn't suppress a tiny noise. "Sit up here and let me see."

Yuuma didn't want to, but Nasch tugged lightly at the back of his robe, and he reluctantly sat down on the sofa beside him. At least the loose, dark Barian robe he wore covered him entirely. Even if his body wouldn't obey him, Nasch wouldn't know.

Nasch took Yuuma's hand in his, and traced one of the lines of the gem on the back of his hand with his thumb. "Can you feel that?"

Warmth flooded Yuuma's body; he was aware of intangible things now, of Nasch thinking kindly about him as he touched, of the way that he looked fragile and pale and how it made Nasch worry, and there was another shameful pulse of lust deep inside Yuuma. He closed his eyes as Nasch pressed down lightly with his thumb, and it felt very, very good, too good and –

_(Vector had tied him up with his torn up shirt and spread his legs with his thighs, and at first he wore Shingetsu's disarmingly cute face and a terrible expression of amusement as he touched. He was too gentle. It should have hurt; Yuuma wanted it to hurt, but instead he felt himself getting hard under Vector's palm. _

_It was the worst thing Yuuma could have imagined, having his body betray him with pleasure from his captor, and he cried as he gave up and came. Vector laughed at him, and then he morphed from human to Barian, from man to monster, and made Yuuma grab the backs of his knees and hold his own legs open._

_Even when his claws cut him open from the inside, even when Yuuma begged for mercy and screamed with pain and wanted to die, Vector whispered into his ears that he was a slut, a pathetic loser, who could be fucked by the person who killed everyone he loved and enjoy it, that he deserved this. Yuuma said over and over that it was a lie, but as Vector tore him open from inside, and he bled and cried, he remembered that he had failed everyone._

_He told Vector it was a lie, because that was the only defiance he could manage, but Yuuma knew it was true.)_

— Yuuma pulled his hand away, but it was too late. Nasch's eyes widened. He'd seen.

"I'm sorry," Yuuma whispered, and he scooted backwards. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I – I didn't mean to – I didn't mean to fail them, I did want to protect everyone, I swear, I –"

"Shh," Nasch reached out and pulled him close again, so that Yuuma's knees brushed against his. "It's okay."

His hands were around Yuuma's wrists, and Yuuma was terrified that he'd touch a gem again and see something even worse. He tried to yank his hands away, and Nasch let him, and as he did one of the gems brushed against Nasch's palm and –

_(Yuuma fingered himself slowly, sure that any second Nasch might wake up and look to the side and see what Yuuma was doing. It was terrifying to think about being caught, and yet Yuuma had dreamed of Nasch atop him instead of Vector three nights in a row, dreamed of Shark making love to him tenderly, dreamed of impossible things. It was worth the risk, just to let himself think about it this one time, just to get it out of his system._

_The robe he was wearing was hiked up around his knees as he sat, legs bent and open, with his back to the throne. His body had healed since Vector's brutal treatment of it, and his fingers could push into his ass without too much pain. He imagined that it was Nasch's fingers inside him instead, or maybe Shark's, it didn't matter which one of them it was, and that they were being very soft with him. He fantasized about Nasch's voice as he fucked himself, calling him by name, whispering something like 'I love you' into his ear —)_

Yuuma threw himself backwards with such force that he fell off the sofa and onto the hard ground.

"Yuuma!"

He buried his face in his knees, just as he had the day Nasch found him, and sobbed with humiliation. Now Nasch knew, knew that Yuuma had deserved everything Vector had done to me, and that it hadn't even worked because he was still disgusting.

"Don't cry," he said. Nasch's arms slid behind his back, under his knees, and Yuuma slumped against him as he was picked up and set down on Nasch's lap. He was facing Nasch, on his knees, straddling his lap, and Yuuma whimpered as Nasch embraced him. Yuuma laid his head against Nasch's armored shoulder.

"You should have left me to die," Yuuma whispered.

"Yuuma." One of Nasch's hands was resting on the gem low on Yuuma's back now, and even through the fabric Yuuma could feel things. He squirmed as he started to get hard, and gritted his teeth; maybe if he ignored it, it would go away. "You know Astral survived, right?"

The last thing Yuuma remembered before waking up at Vector's mercy was pain. His pain, and Astral's pain, and despair.

"What?"

"You threw him clear of Don Thousand's attack. The other Astrals took him back to their world."

"But…" Yuuma shut his eyes against the hope welling his in his chest. "The others?"

"They went home." Nasch rubbed the gem firmly, and Yuuma didn't resist, still reeling from the revelation. Everyone had…survived? Even though in the end, Yuuma hadn't been worthy of their trust or their friendship?

He was hard now, and pressed against Nasch; Nasch had to know just how sick he was.

"It's supposed to feel good," Nasch murmured. "Just relax. I'll show you."

"Shark…" The old name came out instinctively, and Yuuma expected Nasch to correct him, but he didn't. Instead he continued to rub Yuuma's gem, and now the gems on their chests were touching through the robe, and Yuuma realized that he could touch Nasch's shoulder gem from where he was, that he could thrust forward a little and it would feel amazing.

"Go on," Nasch said. Yuuma covered his shoulder gem with a trembling hand, and Nasch gasped; Yuuma ground up against his stomach, the friction delicious, and Nasch shoved him forward, pressing down roughly on the gem on his back.

Love spilled into him, and out of him, passing from skin to gem. Yuuma saw a flash of Nasch in battle, Nasch standing where he was once stood against Don Thousand, thinking _I should have saved him._ Thinking that at least he could avenge Yuuma if nothing else. Thinking that no matter what he had said, in that faraway time before Yuuma had been shattered, Yuuma was always somewhere in the depths of his heart.

Yuuma hoped that Nasch could see something like in him, too, that he could see that Yuuma trusted him and clung to him because he made the world seem smaller and safer, that his feelings were real.

"Yuuma," Nasch gasped, and he took Yuuma's hand and laced their fingers together, "If you would just smile, I would do – I would do anything –"

He meant every word, and his sudden longing echoed throughout Yuuma's body, and Yuuma came undone right there, Nasch's name on his lips, and for a moment those eternally long three days had never happened and he was _clean_.


End file.
